Thankful for...the Garbage Man

Today I was reading and writing in my Abundance Journal, when I heard the sound of the garbage truck.  It is Thursday morning, and it wasn’t the yard waste guy, or the recycle guy, but the one who takes the other stuff. I thought to myself, “Yes, I am thankful for that garbage man.” And then wrote that down as # 75. (I’ve just started this little book of gratitude..). Then my thoughts began to wander and wonder. What would it look like if the garbage man never came?  I’ve seen places like that, where a yard is full of debris, and they’ve even made a series on TV about hoarders.  But, as I thought about what I had thrown away, just in the last 24 hours, I got a little sick to my stomach.

Lots of junk mail.

Hair from the bath tub drain.
Q-tip from cleaning ears.
Paper and more paper.
Chicken guts.
The little soaker pad from the chicken wrap.
The food from the bottom of the kitchen sink, stuck in the drain.
Empty box of dishwasher soap.
Leftovers from the fridge that were moldy.
Bacon grease.
The brown paper bag I cooked the chicken in. (that worked out really well!!!)

 There is probably more that I threw away, I just can’t recall it.  But, that was just a day.  Can you imagine what you would have in your living space if you let it sit for a week?  Think about the icky things that go in the garbage!  Diapers, “girl stuff”, snotty tissues….and more. How could we live like that?  The constant smell, and tripping over bags, knocking them over, and then having to stuff all those reeking bits and pieces back in the torn, dripping bag?

 I’m afraid I do this more than I like to admit.  Oh, not in my home, but in my heart.  There is stuff in there that I don’t want to deal with, don’t want to bring out into the open because the stench is overwhelming.  But, I need to grab it, bag it, and take it out to the Garbage Man…and allow him to deal with it.  That’s his job, his passion.  So I can live in a “clean” place. He’s willing to deal with the foul, icky stuff, so I don’t have to.

Thank you, God, for the Garbage Man.

I'm not in Alaska anymore, but the adventure still continues.  God is stretching me and growing me in ways that aren't always comfortable, but I have never been more sure that I'm where I'm supposed to be.  Peace...wonderful thing.  So I will continue writing, and sharing what I am learning and becoming.

This morning, for example.

This is the second morning in a row that I have slept in.  Oh, I acknoweldged my husband this morning, when he brought me coffee and read to me, but the moment the door slammed, I was back in slumber land. When I came to, I was feeling guilty, and defeated.  I pulled out my Bible and devotional tools, and read the first suggested verse.  Psalm 46:10..Be still and know that I am God.  The little excerpt went on to talk about busyness, but I brushed that off.  I'm not nearly as busy as I used to be.  I have lots of time to "stop", but...when I do stop, I want to sleep!  I don't know if it's a sign that I need more sleep, or if it's a cop out on life.  When I do sleep in, I don't take a nap in the afternoon, so that's good, right?  But it's still a struggle, and I wrote that down in my journal.  Then I decided to read the whole Psalm, and these words jumped out at me....."an ever-present help in trouble"..God will help her at break of day".  Now , I know that I'm taking those words out of the context they were intended, but...THEY ARE STILL TRUE!

If my desire it to be awake and alert, and get things done around the house, and at work, and the other things that need to get done, and I ask Him for His help...even when my eyes won't open!  He will help!

Thank you....

Thoughts on Psalm 18

I picked up my Bible this morning, for the first time in a little while.  My excuse of a crazy schedule is lame, especially since this is my third day off in a row. Couldn't decide what to read, so looked up my daily email devotional, and it was some verses in Psalm 18...so I decided to read the entire chapter.  And proceeded to be broken. In just a matter of minutes. Rick came into the bedroom, and I blubbered my way through telling him what had happened in my heart, and then I wrote some things down.  Here are my thoughts on this Psalm and how it spoke to me.  Get out your Bible and read it for yourself,  because I'm not going to type out the verses. There is more than what I can write down that touched me and broke me in these verses...I'll let the Word do most of the talking.
vs. 4-5 the cords of death, torrents of destruction, cords of the grave, snares of death....(.to me at this point in time, this is the "world" and all it has to offer to try to fill the empty places in me, it's view of my God and the people who follow Him)...entangled, overwhelmed, coiled, confronted..(where I have been lately...with the views of society wrapped around me)
vs. 6 is my silent plea for help!  I didn't even know I was needful and wasn't aware of my dangerous position
vs. 7-15  He came to my rescue, like a knight in shining armor avenging his princess!  The anger and emotion at where I was...not at me, but at what was keeping me intertwined with the culture around me.
vs. 16-19 His gentle and loving renewal of my damaged heart
vs. 21-24 I can't say I have kept his ways, and that I haven't turned from Him.  I haven't been blameless or kept myself from sin....but He has rewarded me according to the righteousness I have in Christ, my hands are clean because of Him.
vs. 28-29  What I can do with His help...not on my own!  That's for sure!  But if my hand is in His...

The song comes to mind....."Word of God speak, would you pour down like rain, washing my eyes to see Your majesty.  To be still and know that You're in this place...please let me stay and rest in Your holiness....Word of God.....speak..."

Dad

Last Sunday was Fathers Day, and then June 21^st was Dad’s birthday.  He’s been on my mind.  About 1:00am on Sunday,  I picked up some people from the airport and took them to the hotel.  One of the men was older, and used a walker, so I did my best to get him on the coach and off with as much care as I could.  His son said” Thank you!  You are so nice, you didn’t have to do that!”  I said, “My daddy used one of those, so I know how it goes..”  And as they walked away, I got all teary.  I shut my bay doors, and got on the coach, blinking away the tears.  It’s not often that I “miss” my dad, because he’s in a much better place now, but memories of him sometimes hit me like a ton of bricks.

• Wheelbarrow rides, picking wildflowers, hoeing in the garden
• Amazing wrapping paper, and little presents on special days
• Cookies, and pies, and goodies
•  Stilt houses, and whistling
• Naps in the sun, picking raspberries

The list goes on and on….I ran across a song that expresses just how I feel about Dad being gone..Petrified by Ellem. I miss you, Daddy.

I'm ready for the heartache
I'm ready for my world to break
I know I'm in for tears
There will be days when I want to disappear

But I'll keep moving on
'Cause I know inside that's what you want
But there's one thing I just can't take yet
It's what I'll do if I ever I forget

Been stocking up on your stories
And I'll be saving all the things you gave to me
But the one thing that I'm scared I can't keep
It's the part that means the most to me

So keep the pace up
Don't let the music stop
'Cause if I think to much
My everything just drops
And I want to breathe you in 'til I turn blue
I want to bottle all the words you use
I really don't know what I'll do

I'm petrified of the day
When I can't picture your face
When I can't recall hear in my head
All the words you would surely have said
I don't know what I'll do
What I'll do
I don't know what I'll do  
When I can't remember all of you

What's under the ice?

I haven't had a lot of time to sit and think about what to write in this little blog of mine.  When I do have time,  that is when I want to shut my brain off.  I've recieved so much information regarding Fairbanks, the state of Alaska, gold mining, the pipeline, etc....it's like the saying about drinking from a fire hose. The top of my head feels like it's blown off and there is no more room!

I did have a thought though, while "break up" was happening, and the snow was melting and revealing all kinds of things that had been hidden all winter. I believe the snow started falling in October last year, and has pretty much dissapated in the last two weeks. 

I  thought of myself as the ground under the snow, underneath layers of propriety, smiles, appropriate clothing and attitudes, the right words to say to the right people....but underneath, am I cold? Unwilling to absorb any warmth from the One who created me? Am I who I am because of what people expect of me? What happens when the snow melts and all the garbage that has been hiding for a long amount of time is exposed?

In Fairbanks, they have set aside a specific day in May, where people in the community come together and "clean up".  The poor thawing ground can't clean itself...but others can help! When I feel I'm at a place where I'm helpless to change....there is hope. Others can help! 

Am I willing to allow people see the real me, the messy me? Or have I clung to my cold exterior, hoping that part of me will never be brought to Light?

Things to ponder...I want to melt....this summer..

Anatomy of a Bruise

“A bruise (medically referred to as a contusion) is caused when tiny blood vessels are damaged or broken as the result of a blow to the skin (be it bumping against something or hitting yourself with a hammer). The raised area of a bump or bruise results from blood leaking from these injured blood vessels into the tissues as well as from the body's response to the injury. A purplish, flat bruise that occurs when blood leaks out into the top layers of skin is referred to as an ecchymosis” (http://www.medicinenet.com/bruises/article.htm).

The day before I turned 45, I counted the bruises on my body.  No less than 26 that I could see.  I have received most of those since started training to drive a motor coach.  I’ve fallen down on ice, knocked traffic cones into my ankles while unloading them, and bumped my shins on the coach steps, run into interior parts of the coach with my thighs and calves.  And my hands and arms have been bashed when hitting tires with a hex bar, and checking between the duals.  A few have been caused by Jeff playfully poking me in the arm.

 They say that as one ages, the more prone to bruising he or she becomes, because of aging capillaries, and thinning skin.  It doesn’t look like my “fatty layer’ has changed…it’s still alive and well….

Oh well, I guess bruising is a fact of life with me.  It will continue to be as I age.  At least they are physical bruises, from “sticks and stones”…I haven’t received any to the heart.

“A torn jacket is soon mended, but hard words bruise the heart of a child”

Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

Almost two weeks in...

Things that are different up here in Alaskan Interior...

1. Slower pace of life.
2. Dry cabins- housing that has no city water supply.  Therefore one needs to get their water at....
3. fresh water springs.
4. Brightest time of the day is  between 6:00 and 8:00 p.m..  My favorite!
5. Ice sculptures in yards and businesses.
6. "Break Up" which is the time of year when the ice on the Chena River melts, along with the snow and causes icky puddles, everywhere!!!! But!  I saw green grass today! 

Things that are the same..
1. Kids.
2.Espresso stands...although I did see a drive thru Thai food stand yesterday
3. Fred Meyer, Safeway, Wal-Mart, Barnes & Noble, Game Stop
4. Potholes and policemen
5. Flip flops displayed before the snow melts.

And to use the terminology of my dear friends, Scott and Mary Segalla, I have learned to "Adapt and Overcome"...these are things I have discovered..
1. A flashlight works just as well as a reading lamp.
2. One small electric blanket works fine as a top cover while sleeping.
3. 2 dishtowels, 1 dish rag, 5 forks, 1 spoon, 4 plastic glasses, 1 sheet, 1 pot...less than $15 at Value Village.
4. Babysitting can result in furniture.
5. One can decorate a room with sticky notes and love notes from home.
6. Paper towels from care package packing can be used to check oil on a motor coach.
7. It works fine to filter coffee grounds through a paper towel.
8. One can cut an onion and smash garlic with a large spoon and cut bacon with a fork.
9. A grocery bag doubles great as a plug for the bathtub.
10. If you turn up the volume on your mp3 player, your ears adjust, and you can hear it fine through the headphones laying on the floor next to you.
11. One can go more than one day without Internet access and still survive.
12. You can dry wet shoes in an oven that's been slightly heated, then turned off.  Only takes a couple of hours.  It works for socks too.
13. A grocery bag works well as a garbage can, hung from the toilet paper roll bar.
14. Internet access can be found in various places, like friends homes, Barnes and Noble, and the library.

I have learned to simplify, and use the resource I have. And it's been great! I wonder if it will stick when I come home in 5 months.  We shall see.